i'm confused, yall.

i'm tired and my day hasn't been so great. not that anything has happened for real, i just feel down. i had to cuss somebody out from home, but i mean, that's normal (lol). i just need to pull myself out of this rut.....

.....i think i like somebody. but it's the right amount of like. since the doughboy/warlock (this boy i used to talk to two years ago that broke all PARTS of my heart), i know how to actually stop liking somebody if i know that it's not going to be beneficial to me in the end, and that's good. i have such a better command over my emotions and who i allow to be in my life...and i think i'm going to let this one into the circus... :-) (cause really, that's how being my friend is like...u feel like you're watching a circus. i am WILD.)

...i'm just tired of all this shit i have to do. i go to a really good school and i make decent grades (except math classes!)...its this economics that's going to determine whether i graduate in may or not. all i want is a C+. that's all i ask for. I'm getting a C right now and I just don't know what to do...i'm studying everyday and I still don't get it...i've tried tutors..staying up late at night...not eating..not sleeping...all for one class..and it's not paying off....I've tried THREE DIFFERENT quantitative analysis classes and i get C's in all of them. I hate math/wash.u. like, come on. a third of a letter grade can stop me from graduating? are you serious? SO stressed.....

...sooo in the next week i have a project, a paper, a make up assignment, another experiment for economics, a symphony to attend for class, a final exam to study for, pleading to financial aid to take the hold off of my account, trying to figure out when/how i'm going to eat (i'm just not going to eat because i don't have ANY money and i HATE bothering people, im a self-starter and i'll figure it out), figuring out when i'm going to sleep, what i'm doing after school (if i graduate off of a fuckin THIRD of a letter grade, keep in mind that my major GPA is a 3.4), where i'm living, why this job hasn't called me back, why i've gotten rejected from every job i've applied to almost (wtf? told you i wasn't the shit), how to get my bank account from out of the negative without bothering anybody, trying to find a job because i need money, and clearly the focus on school isnt working (look at economics) so i might as well find a job and pay my bills...speaking of bills...i have a LOT of those. gotta work on those too.

...i just wanted to vent. i know that i can only take things one day at a time, and i'm just going to pray and ask God for His mercy and grace...because I really, REALLY need it.

God always,
Tiffers